Today Samantha has left me behind, she has decided that we would get along better if she moved out and into her aunt Wendy's in Mason. It feel like my heart is being squeezed to death, I cant stand the thought of her living away from me. She is so hard to get along with, which is all my fault I brought her up as my equal and not as a daughter, I wasnt hard on her when she did things wrong and I didnt put my foot down when I should have, so now that she is older and I want to have some order in my life she has this leverage over me that why be a mom now...
When she was growing up I put too much thought in the fact that I was a single mother trying to raise a daughter that I treated her like a friend and leaned on her when I should have been mothering her. So here I am complaining that she is wanting to spread her wings and be away from me and her sister she is only 17 years old but she has a mind of an 20year old.
I only have myself to blame and plenty of time to try and make up for all the wrong that I did...
I miss you Sammy, I love you and Im sorry for not being the mother I should have been when you needed it the most.
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((Sandy)) Most parents do the best they can do with the knowledge they have available at the time. If we all became parents at age 40, we'd know a lot more, but that is not the way God designed it to be. You did the best you could. Now it's time to trust Sam to the hands of God. She will make mistakes and learn the hard way at times. You pray like crazy, offer advice when she will allow it, and go back to being friends. Sam's days of needing one kind of mom are ebbing away, but she will always need a mom who is her encourager and cheerleader. We bite our tongue when we need to and we pray pray pray...... In a few years (somewhere late 20's usually) kids start to realize that their parents were smarter than they thought. Keep the doors open for a healthy adult relationship with Sam and it will happen. You might have made some mistakes along the way (we all do) but you did a lot right also... don't forget that. I haven't seen Sam in a few years, but she sounds like a typical 17 year old right now. When you get beyond her desires to express her independence etc., there is her heart of gold that is compassionate and caring, and so much more. I've seen that heart of hers peeking out from a tough exterior.... and as her mom, you need to remember that you taught her those things and helped to give her that kind heart. It's hard to let go, especially when it seems that your child might be running away from something, but God will help you deal with this new challenge in your life.
I'm praying for you.
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