Never ending laundry

My day off and I am working harder at home then I usually do at work, just kidding but it sure does feel like. Today it seemed as if there was black hole in the laundy baskets it seemed to never end. Thank you to whom ever it was that invented washing machines and dryers. I cant image what it was like having to go get water from the well or the river just to do the wash (YIKES). I am defintly a child of modern day inventions thank GOD. Maybe someday the way things are progressing I wont have to do laundry anymore, we wake up get out of bed and the used bed will disapper in the floor and up pops a fresh new clean and made bed for another night, we would just have to reach in the closets there would always be clean clothing awaiting for us. What an imagination or was it the Jetsons that warped my mind.

Meet my Libbie

This is Amanda, we call her libbie which is her middle name. She is 10 yrs old and has a heart of Gold. She is so soft hearted that there are times I just want shield her from all the bad in this world. She has this kindness that I cant explain it is almost Angelic like. She had another sister that was a half sister (Kayla Rolland) they shared the same father. Amanda never meet Kayla before she died, however odd it may sound she has always talked of Kayla as if she knew her and had a relationship with her. I have often wondered if Kayla was now Amanda's Guardian Angel. You have to meet Amanda to see this in her she has a natural glow to her and I know with all my heart that she possesses this natural Faith in Jesus.
Amanda is about to come to another point in her life of losing her older sister Samantha, Sam is moving out and moving to Mason, MI with her Aunt Wendy. Although it will only be about a 2 hour drive away I feel that it will be very hard on her they have lived in the same household all her life and now she will not be here often. Samantha will be 17yrs old in May and is wanting to leave home, I am thankful that it is only to her Aunt Wendy's, most teenagers that want to leave home just runaway and end up on the streets, so this move is a good move, and good terms with each other. But how will this effect Amanda? I am not sure but with being honest with her and knowing she will come home every other weekend I feel will help her. I dont want her heart to ache anymore.

Letting it all go

I have been thinking a lot about what we do in life that effects others, it maybe something as simple as a smile to someone who has had a bad day and just cant seem to pull themselves out of a rut. When I am at work I like to call my caller by their first name while I speak with them, it lets them know that you are truly paying attension to what they are trying to tell me. I work for an Answering Service of Medical and Commercial accounts. I have been their 9 years now. I have learned the company inside and out, I truly enjoy my job, I like helping people. I get calls from distraught parents that need me to be calm for them, once I give them my full attension and they know that I am there to help them they start to calm down themselves. I let them know that I am there to help them and get them the attension they need. After my call is done I often feel as though I may have just helped someone in need and made a difference.
Anybody can do this you just have to let it all go and live each and everyday as if it were the last, when it comes time for me to go to Heaven I want to go knowing that I done the most I could do in life, even if it is just a simple smile to someone having a bad day

Finding my way to the light

I was lost not just once but several times, how is that possible you ask well its fairly easy when you don't want anyone to find you. I have had many years of wanting to hide, not just from people in general but also from myself. I have been in several ugly relationships and I lost myself somewhere in between, I had to find myself I am a mother of two daughters and I don't ever want them to go through what I have.
Its so easy to go inside your self but its a lot harder to come out. Sometimes when the hitting would start I would just let myself go, I could feel the pain but it was almost as if it wasn't me going through this, its just a shell you can abuse it all you want but you cant take away my dreams, my loves and most of all you cant have me...My heart is racing just thinking of how weak I was, how could I allow a man to hurt me like that how could I allow him to take away my identity. I thought I was strong I thought he can only hurt my shell not my soul but I was wrong he took everything and then just left me there to beg for forgiveness, why was I begging? For what? I didn't do anything but yet I was the one who had to apologize.
The bruises and the cut lips are easily disguised with a dab of covergirl to the rescue, don't want anyone to see how bad you are that maybe you actually deserved the abuse.
It was when I went to a job interview with 2 black eyes, so swollen that I looked like I went a round with Mike Tyson and lost, I was so ashamed and humiliated I could barley even see, I rode the bus that day to the mall, people just looked at me and then turned their heads, I told another rider I was in a car accident, and now that I think about it I don't think that they actually believed me, but it made me feel a little better, I was actually given the job, however Im not too sure it was because I did well during the interview or that they felt sorry for me. What ever it was I had a job and I felt great, even though I didnt look it.

Time to HEAL

Mountains are very beauitful and another one of GODS creations. It may have not started out as big but it slowly grows and grows until one day it is this big wonderful pieace of earth and people look at it in an awe. I feel like a mountain I started out small with no purpose with the feeling that nothing mattered to me but as time has gone by I too have grown and had to make changes and sacrafies to be a good parent. I have lost my way several times and turned my back on those who loved me. I fell off the path and as in most mountains do they have valleys (paths) and where one ends another picks up and sooner or later they all end up at the top of this wonderful mountain. I want to be the ROCK for my girls.
I have recently tried to mend a path that I had pretty much destroyed with my father and my stepmother. I didnt exspect them to forgive me for what I had done to them, and I was rather suprised to get a reply from an email that I sent to them both. It took a few times to read it because the guilt and hurt all came back so fresh to me that I couldnt hold back the tears. We will build a road together so that we have a relationship again and that is very important to me.
There is a long story to our lives and one that I would like to write about someday so that others can understand what I was going through at the time and to answer some of the questions that most of my family could never understand about me.
The saying that time heals all thing that are broken is very true and I am living proof that GOD is a forgiving God, because if he didnt want me where I am today he would of never let me gotten this far. There is a reason for everything: That which doesnt break us with make us stronger. I hold true to those words as if they are my own.
I am a stronger person and I can do it all on my own with the help of JESUS in my life and in my house.

The sun is out, why am I so depressed

I don't understand why I feel so sad lately, work is going well so I don't feel that it, my girls are in good health and happy, my bills are paid and I have a new car so what else could be bothering me?
IM going to be 37 yrs old Monday and I still haven't found my nitch in life. My oldest daughter is going to be 17 yrs old in May and I cant get over how fast they grow up. Maybe IM afraid of her leaving me soon I just couldn't put my finger on it.....Until now
Yes we have all the things that make us happy except for the most important one JESUS. I cant explain it how I feel when I think of him or how it makes me smile when I think of the wonderful gift he has given us, eternal life.
My father and his wife are very faithful and loyal to JESUS and it makes me happy to say that they are my family. I want to walk that same path that they are and grow into a true, faithful follower of JESUS. It is going to take time and prayer but I do believe I will make.