Finding my way to the light

I was lost not just once but several times, how is that possible you ask well its fairly easy when you don't want anyone to find you. I have had many years of wanting to hide, not just from people in general but also from myself. I have been in several ugly relationships and I lost myself somewhere in between, I had to find myself I am a mother of two daughters and I don't ever want them to go through what I have.
Its so easy to go inside your self but its a lot harder to come out. Sometimes when the hitting would start I would just let myself go, I could feel the pain but it was almost as if it wasn't me going through this, its just a shell you can abuse it all you want but you cant take away my dreams, my loves and most of all you cant have me...My heart is racing just thinking of how weak I was, how could I allow a man to hurt me like that how could I allow him to take away my identity. I thought I was strong I thought he can only hurt my shell not my soul but I was wrong he took everything and then just left me there to beg for forgiveness, why was I begging? For what? I didn't do anything but yet I was the one who had to apologize.
The bruises and the cut lips are easily disguised with a dab of covergirl to the rescue, don't want anyone to see how bad you are that maybe you actually deserved the abuse.
It was when I went to a job interview with 2 black eyes, so swollen that I looked like I went a round with Mike Tyson and lost, I was so ashamed and humiliated I could barley even see, I rode the bus that day to the mall, people just looked at me and then turned their heads, I told another rider I was in a car accident, and now that I think about it I don't think that they actually believed me, but it made me feel a little better, I was actually given the job, however Im not too sure it was because I did well during the interview or that they felt sorry for me. What ever it was I had a job and I felt great, even though I didnt look it.