I often start to write and then I delete it because I am too emotional with my writing and they are often too personal. But not today I'm just gonna get it out and say what the heck this is me and if someone doesn't like what I've written then don't read my bloggs.... Now with that said I hope this kinda helps those who know me to better understand me (for my true self)
I want to say that I am a single mother of daughters (Sam 18 and Libbie 11) I've been in and out of relationships since I was 15 yrs old and not one of them was a good one. I have what you say very poor taste in men, always seeking love and getting a jerk instead. I only have myself to blame. I have for some odd reason in my life always wanted to be loved, I just ended up looking for love in all the wrong people (not places). Its almost like I know I'm setting myself up for a heart break and then freak out when it doesn't work out. What is wrong with me? why do I feel the need to be loved? My brothers are married with their own families and I'm not saying everything is perfect in their lives but they have someone to lean on, hug and be consoled, I know my kids love me and my family but what about a mate for me, why do I have to been so alone? I know the answer to that question believe it or not. Its because I didn't walk the line God sat out before me, I strayed aside and wanted to live on the wild side and do as I pleased and when I pleased. I'm not saying God is punishing me although I did feel like that for many years but not any longer. I know he is a forgiving God and we as humans are, are own worst enemy and set ourselves up to be hurt. So no I don't blame God for me being alone I blame myself because it was me this whole time making my own decisions and not letting him guide me.
I want to say that I am a single mother of daughters (Sam 18 and Libbie 11) I've been in and out of relationships since I was 15 yrs old and not one of them was a good one. I have what you say very poor taste in men, always seeking love and getting a jerk instead. I only have myself to blame. I have for some odd reason in my life always wanted to be loved, I just ended up looking for love in all the wrong people (not places). Its almost like I know I'm setting myself up for a heart break and then freak out when it doesn't work out. What is wrong with me? why do I feel the need to be loved? My brothers are married with their own families and I'm not saying everything is perfect in their lives but they have someone to lean on, hug and be consoled, I know my kids love me and my family but what about a mate for me, why do I have to been so alone? I know the answer to that question believe it or not. Its because I didn't walk the line God sat out before me, I strayed aside and wanted to live on the wild side and do as I pleased and when I pleased. I'm not saying God is punishing me although I did feel like that for many years but not any longer. I know he is a forgiving God and we as humans are, are own worst enemy and set ourselves up to be hurt. So no I don't blame God for me being alone I blame myself because it was me this whole time making my own decisions and not letting him guide me.
11 comments:
Well Sweetie, I will keep you in my prayerss and have faith that you will someday find your "Mr. Right". Untill then just remember you have friends who would gladly give you a hug and console you and just be a shoulder to cry on. Love you Sis~C~
I see this so often with people who chronically end up in dead-end relationships, yet I don't understand why the answer--which is so simple--is lost on so many people.
You ask the question why you feel the need to be loved? Because you don't love yourself.
Whatever God intends for you, it isn't for you to go through life weak, and emotionally dependent upon others for your own happiness. The best first step you can ever take in making your life better is to remind yourself daily that you don't need to rely on someone else to make you happy, whole or complete; any relationship you create you do so because you choose to, not because you need to, and those relationships should always be complimentary, not a futile attempt to find "completeness".
Love yourself first--stop looking to others to make you happy. Do that, and you'll soon find life far more enjoyable than you ever imagined.
I know this was written long ago and I don't even know if you will read this, but I ran into your blog searching for pictures for a video that I'm making to the song, "Every Man" by casting Crowns. I think you should look it up if you haven't heard it. It may speak to you.
I was moved by your words and honesty. I run into this often as I am a pastor of youth and young adults. We have been taught to seek love in all the wrong places. Significant lovers, drugs, sex, etc. The world has fooled us and our generation and those before us have let us down. BUT, you and the blogger before this post were on to something.
God does love and forgive you. If you know HIM as Lord and savior, you are HIS child and you ARE forgiven.
The love we seek to fill can not be filled by anyone UNTIL we first fill it with God's love and acceptance. You do have to love yourself first, but the only way to do that is to understand who you are in God.
We are all horrible, messed up, sinful people. (ALL OF US=). Not to bring a downer, but that is what scripture tells us. THE GOOD NEWS is that IF we are a child of God, we are MADE NEW. This doesn't mean we'll stop making mistakes. It means we BELONG TO GOD. He loves us. Until that is enough and until we LIVE IN THAT love, we will continue to replace it with things that will destroy us.
My encouragement is to seek to know and understand the depths of our God's love. If you don't know Christ as your savior, it starts with believing in Him as God's only son, and that his death and resurrection bring you forgiveness. Make him Lord of your life.
Then LIVE in that love. That means get involved. Plug into a healthy church and learn who you are. We have a whole new identity in Christ, but we have to understand it in order to live it. Read scripture and PRAY!
Our God lives. He can move and works miracles. Just the other day he healed a gentleman COMPLETELY of cancer. I see him Heal young adults and youth every week with issues that you were commenting on. CALL OUT TO HIM.
If you have questions or you want more info. Or if you just want prayer feel free to contact me @ james@midlandvineyard.com.
Sorry if this was weird, but I felt lead to share. I hope this finds you well and I pray that you find your identity in Christ.
God Bless.
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