No one to blame but myself

I often start to write and then I delete it because I am too emotional with my writing and they are often too personal. But not today I'm just gonna get it out and say what the heck this is me and if someone doesn't like what I've written then don't read my bloggs.... Now with that said I hope this kinda helps those who know me to better understand me (for my true self)
I want to say that I am a single mother of daughters (Sam 18 and Libbie 11) I've been in and out of relationships since I was 15 yrs old and not one of them was a good one. I have what you say very poor taste in men, always seeking love and getting a jerk instead. I only have myself to blame. I have for some odd reason in my life always wanted to be loved, I just ended up looking for love in all the wrong people (not places). Its almost like I know I'm setting myself up for a heart break and then freak out when it doesn't work out. What is wrong with me? why do I feel the need to be loved? My brothers are married with their own families and I'm not saying everything is perfect in their lives but they have someone to lean on, hug and be consoled, I know my kids love me and my family but what about a mate for me, why do I have to been so alone? I know the answer to that question believe it or not. Its because I didn't walk the line God sat out before me, I strayed aside and wanted to live on the wild side and do as I pleased and when I pleased. I'm not saying God is punishing me although I did feel like that for many years but not any longer. I know he is a forgiving God and we as humans are, are own worst enemy and set ourselves up to be hurt. So no I don't blame God for me being alone I blame myself because it was me this whole time making my own decisions and not letting him guide me.

Here's my Senior "SAMANTHA"

Here is my oldest daughter Samantha a senior at Flint Central High School. I am so proud of her that words can't even come close to how I feel. She will be attending Baker college after graduation to be a Nurse, she is now working at a clothing store at out Courtland Center Mall. Samantha has come a long way and has transformed in a beautiful passionate butterfly.

Just some pictures for now

well here are just a few that I have so far still doing alot of work and trying to make it feel more like home. The meeting w/ the bank well and I cant wait til its all over and it is in my name. I will post more pics are we go along.

This is just the beginning....

When God first started forming the heavens and the earth I wonder what he was thinking? Do you think that he knew what he was doing before he began? I do, why? because he created everything so perfect each and everything has its purpose with out that how would or could we survive. Just like us he created us in his own image why do you think he did that? I think he did so in order for us to understand what Jesus went through as a person of flesh, blood & feelings. That is one of my opinions of many but I do often wonder about these things, not to dismiss our God but to better understand him and his way of thinking. Maybe we're not to second guess his reasons for anything and I don't feel that I am second guessing him (Just wondering)
I love my God and I am very thankful for all that he has given us

Somethings seems to be coming together

While others feels like it crashing down on you I'm at the crashing point now....We moved into this wonderful house that I'm trying to buy and just when I think I have all my ducks in a row one wants to stay away from the goal. Credit is like your heart beat it's what makes your lifestyle Good, Alright or just plain Poor. I have learn through the years that nothing is free in this world, not that I actually thought that way but it seemed that I was letting somethings slide while doing other things that I shouldn't have been doing, but I guess that's where the old saying comes in "learn the hard way"
Sometimes I wonder if I've learned anything at all. I have been paying here and there and still just cant get out of the hole. I go the bank tomorrow and I can only pray to HIGH HEAVEN that I can get this loan and be done with all of it.

Where do I begin?

It seems that we have finally settled in, how do I know this for sure? I threw out our last box.... I really never knew just how much (JUNK) one could have. The girls are in their comfort zone now (clothes on the floor). Jim & Angie came in last week end and took done a pine tree that was in the back yard taking up all my space. life has seemed to slowed down so I will now be able to keep up with my writing.

We moved (for the last time)

IM very ashamed that I haven't not been on my blog in so long, but I have been very busy. We moved into our last home on New Years Day. What a way to start the new year off. We now have a 4 bedroom home that we all just love. I can finally say that I am done with moving. We are leasing for 6 months then I will purchase the home for our family. I will start catching up as we seattle in more.